2:51 pm | 31 January 2003 | dried up & fell off

I have been COATING MY FACE IN LOTION and yet it is STILL falling off in chunks. It must be that the four-degree weather of the past month kept the skin FROZEN TO MY SKULL, but now that it's thawing, the party is over. I just used Scotch tape to remove the flaky bits from my cheeks and then coated my entire nose in Classic Mint Blistex in a no-doubt vain attempt to not go all Wacko Jacko tonight. Now I look like some kind of jackass winter-wonderland Disney-Channel lifeguard, all "C'mon kids, winter sports are fun!" while my minty-fresh proboscis glistens like a big fucking icicle. Screw this crap. clm.