12:09 pm | 24 January 2003 | seasonal affective

(for my sister)

a few leaves snared in a transparency of snow
gleam gently through their veil.
if only such a veneer
would dilute me, would
diffuse the impetuous rawness of this heart, would
soften my ripped angles with the muting force
of a season built for cessation.
i have been told that things
will burgeon out of this langour
with a lurching violence
born of the inherent sharpness of such a world--
a world that only sleeps
to provoke its madness

[20jan03]

I realize i need to reorganize/resize/redo some elements, but the new site is kind of fun, no? i had a good time making it, with my clunky, non-cool, and no-doubt bass-ackwards HTML skills (for instance, i don't know how to make an image map, so i do all this complex button linking and image aligning and fake Java rollover scripts and shit, which does basically the same thing, but takes a hell of a lot longer, and i'm sure would look TOTALLY RETARDED to an actual programmer of any sort). But who cares.

I can't stop eating today. It's disgusting, really. I had half a piece of leftover pie for breakfast, then a mini-danish and mini-bagel for elevenses, and then a sandwich, and now cookies. Gross. But again: who cares? We played bingo last night at Bridge and then we went to Cleo's for pizza, and i had a single beer and again overstepped my boundaries with the Beer Fairies, because i was frigging plowed.

We stayed up talking until three-thirty. My friend couldn't sleep at all and promised he'd wake me up to go to work (I am working insane freaky fucked-up hours all week). When i heard him come in at six and go, "Hey, you! Wake up!" I almost wept. So tired! So very tired!

Random update for those of you who are following the condom-and-egg story: they were joined recently by a box of SuperMoist cake mix...which explains some things, but then makes a total fucking mess out of other theories, or at least makes for vivid and pornographic pastry-themed nightmares. Ew! clm.