9:38 am | 24 February 2003 | Trogdor the Burninator

I went back to G-Rap to visit the family this weekend, which was hilarious, as usual. Nightmonkey (my big-little brother) is really fearsomely good at his Gollum impersonation. This was him on Saturday night, trying to convince our mother (who, btw, was already wasted) to let him have a bottle of Woodchuck:

"We wants the booze! 'Chuck in the Shire! We wants the booze, PRECIOUS!! (to dog) We must booze...or lose. Remember thats! And we don't wants to lose...THE PRECIOUS! The booze is behind the White Gates! It is cold behind the white gates...and there's dread Tabasco in there!"

He also shared this, which is totally important and exciting. "And then Strongbad smote the Kerrick and all was laid to burnination!" I gasped, cracking up, at the dinner table. The Tape Wizard isn't in on the joke. "I don't get it! What's a Kerrek? What does smote mean? Why the hell are you laughing??"

"I'm a song from the sixties!" Nightmonkey announced, quoting some other character from that website. My mother laughed and laughed, smearing Nutella on a roll with voluptuous abandon. And poor Papa chewed his Shake-N-Baked chicken silently, no doubt hoping we would all shut the hell up very, very soon. clm.

Addendum: I would like to announce that Warren Ellis is my new favourite rockstar boyfriend. In addition, i would like to remark: Squeal! That is all.