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3:41 pm | 13 August 2003 | i had a dream, joe

Here, from an old journal i just found, is what i dreamt Oct. 7, between roughly 3 and 7:10 am. footnotes (yes, i really do footnote, even in my own journal) are in (a) format instead of the usual asterisk, since there are a lot of them. This is a direct reprint of what i scrawled, so much of it will make no sense to you. love. clm.


I went somehow back in time--seemed like 94 or 95 by setting. Things had changed, as though I went back to an early page in a Choose Your Own Adventure junior novel and made a bad choice.

I am in my parents� house (or a version of it). For some reason everyone is v. afraid of Grandpa H.--he is v. violent and angry in a horrific monsterly way. Remember sense of dread/angst waiting for him to arrive and when he does greeting him with "Hi, Gampy" (a) and him becoming supernaturally savagely angry. Hid in childhood closet shared with my sister (my side=right) with glow-in-dark stickers, simulating buttons for Elevator Game, glowing. For some reason have my current cell phone which is able to call into the future(b) but only to old crappy cell phone, which N. has (don�t know why). Am hiding under blanket, begging him in whispers to find magic book (dark blue mass-market paperback?) to bring me back into future--him not comprehending. "I am trapped 1,000 years(c) in the past!" I plead urgently into phone, trying not to wake "Gampy"(d); I fail, he awakes and attacks me and in defence I kill him and am arrested. (Strangely am not trying to protect other family members in this dream, unlike most.) I am handcuffed which I remember vividly--had accurate sensation of this, feel of cold cuffs snapping around wrists and wearing white jumpsuit, being in Women�s Holding Facility. For some reason I am let out of jail (perhaps I am on bond?) or I escape and begin to run.

Though in my dream I am told I am 'in the past' (1,000 years) (this bizarro-non-past-past) I am in old pine woods (e) approaching from east going west. Construction workers might see me so I fly W-SW in dream-past old lighthouse, old towers, which for some reason I recognize but which are aged/changed suitably for this 'non-past past' scenario--tall tower/citadel has giant bas-relief gilt crab or other crustacean on top, kind of reminiscient of Myst or similar. Then am flying towards fortress with giant doors and large well/hole on top level leading down into the interior/hall/dungeon-thing--am flying v. v. fast and swooping past gates, down into courtyard, up to roof, down into hole. Feel v. sick in dream, like watching flight-simulator too closely, or on really hellish amusement-park ride (does not occur to me to fly more slowly). Then I swoop out and head NE again, trying to make it past construction workers.

There is a sort of crevice before the ground rises again. Many cars (all look like mid-1980s Rabbits or Volvos and the like, red, blue) are stuck in a slow-moving river of felled pine trees and v. thick mud--everything v. brown and dark green here in dark shade of woods (not forest; woods). I manage to swim through it (can apparently no longer fly at this point) and struggle to top of gravel pit.

A Dune-looking landscape perhaps three acres in diameter lies before me, made of hills and mounds (maybe rising forty feet at tallest) of white quartz gravel (the sort that is in big rough walnut-sized chunks). As I climb to edge of this pit/bowl the sky is a very dead khaki colour(f); many giant white wolves are roaming up and down the slopes and I have to try to sneak past them, which I somehow manage, though a large (perhaps six feet tall) female wolf stares me coldly in the face and I tense, waiting for her to bite my face off. She does not, however; I think I mentally communicate with them and they permit me to pass. I struggle up this collapsing sliding mound to a flat concrete ground.

I make it into a building in an industrial-looking complex. I get into an elevator with royal-blue carpeting and want to stop on certain floor (fifth?) but elevator passes it and continues to rise slowly. I know that it will open on a floor where I will be captured so I pry open the doors as it is moving and leap off onto a different floor. A black security guard looks at me as I leap out of elevator but I run down hallway.

A girl I know in my dream but whom I do not actually know in my waking life grabs me and guides me into a party in an apartment 'where I will be safe.' The building, I realize, is formed of many different polygons of tan stone which all rotate at different speeds and angles; the perhaps 14-sided room of this apartment is rotating slowly counterclockwise (moving to left) over a swollen, livid, post-apocalyptic landscape; everything is taupe in color and angry-looking; post-nuclear. Many hipstery people are at this party and I have to pretend I am just another party-goer, despite having just gone through all this. I am waiting to be rescued. I wake up.


(a) Have never called anyone 'Gampy' before in life.

(b) C.f. dream from 1999 about Rogers Park/Stone Age/dad�s car phone

(c) Clearly is not 1,000 years.

(d) Wonder if �Gampy� is some secret pseudonym for, like, Bizarro-Grandpa/Lynchian doppelganger etc.

(e) Look just like woods by mom's house which no longer exist, but giant�as though I am size of housecat.

(f) For some reason settings in my dreams are always extremely theme-y and composed-looking, as though directed by Jeunet or Ondaatje or something.


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