9:19 am | 09 December 2002 | zombies!

The Buddhist Punk and I are trying to figure out whether zombies are in actuality the ideal self-sustaining ecosystem.

It all depends on whether their brains have regenerative capacity, a question with inconsistent results in popular zombie culture. While it�s well-documented that zombies are driven by their need for brains-as-food, not brains-as-mechanism-of-desire, what remains to be revealed, then, is twofold�one, what happens when the brains are gone, and two, what part of their zombie-ness provides motivation? You know, Anne Rice posits that vampires need blood to provide their immortality and to keep warm, but does anybody think about why zombies do what they do? I really wish Dr. Phil would have a show on zombies and get to the bottom of it with his special brand of semi-abusive Texas wisdom. �You only want brains? How�s that working for you?� Wait, can zombies live off other zombies� brains, or is that totally illogical? Fuck.

I guess what I�m saying is that if zombies can not only zombify other people, but can sustain themselves off each other's brains, then i could relax, pull my head out of the oven, and sit back, waiting for the bite. I�m gonna ask Louis and Gibnerd, they probably have some ideas�I might ask Universal Donor too. I�ll let you know if I find anything out�and if you have any ideas, please share. I simply must know.

Oh shit! I forgot about this earlier, but Derrida totally talks about zombies! Logical/traditional philosophy depends on absolute sets of opposites, usually binary and antithetical�you know, day/night, good/evil, wet/dry, etc. But zombies are what he called undecidable--they�re not living or dead. They are the living dead! They�re threatening because they�re indeterminate and their ambiguity cannot be brought to order by the logic of binary opposition. Usually, there�s either a magic force (possibly religious) or higher power that makes the zombie go one way (dead) or the other (alive). Maybe it�s this ambiguity that determines a true cyclical ecosystem. Or maybe I should stop smoking FUCKING CRACK before I go to work in the morning. Either way, zombies! Woo!