3:24 pm | 08 July 2003 | and now: rap

Whoa, cats & kittens. Things've been getting a little heavy lately, a little sad, kinda mopey. Fear not. I am here to lighten shit back up.

I present below an epic rap duet/battle royale between myself & delicti fuscus, conducted via email (which is why it doesn't rap right out of the gates). Man, that was a great day. Enjoy, my loves, for tomorrow it's back to the gloom & doom. clm.

from: delicti fuscus
to: claude le monde
subject: hello to you and guinn only

dont sleep with neal pollack
great writer. terrible lover. great at writing about terrible lovers but the truth is it's HIM, IT'S HIM! it's not me.

from: claude le monde
to: delicti fuscus
subject: RE: hello to you and guinn only

i see your code and raise you twenty

from: delicti fuscus
to: claude le monde
Subject: RE: hello to you and guinn only

i'll see your twenty and raise your lowered honda

from: claude le monde
to: delicti fuscus
subject: RE: hello to you and guinn only

i'll raise the roof
then i'll go hang wit my amish homies and raise a barn
then i'll lower my hondas price
but never my standards

from: delicti fuscus
to: claude le monde
Subject: RE: hello to you and guinn only

i'll burn your roof
and yes, the one in your mouth
cause i dipped my balls in icy hot
and i know you love tea um...from the south

tea baggin in the windy citay
your hedgehog is itty bitty

(we dont need no water)

you can lower your standards
and i'll lower my balls
burnin yo throat? shit.
take a halls
mentholyptus ya'all

from: claude le monde
to: delicti fuscus
Subject: RE: hello to you and guinn only

yo you tryin to front
like you can bring the funk
but im more likely to kick
than lick yo junk

any tea i sip
be straight oolong
while i snap yo nose
with the back of my thong

so i be sippin and rippin and yo nose be drippin
you thought you could hit dis? boy you be trippin

there aint enough soap
to wash out yo mouf
cause your rhymes be dirty
like the dirty souf

from: delicti fuscus
to: claude le monde
subject: trippin col

i got a dirty mouth
cause my tongues the shit
and every time we kiss
you feel me poopin it

damn baby girl
dont be scared of the doo
just be scared of the ghosts
cause youre my boo

from: claude le monde
to: delicti fuscus
subject: RE: trippin col

!!!

yo that all makes sense
cos you be talkin crap
they sound less like words
and smear more like pap

i aint scared of shit
but im scared of you
cos you be playin my ass
like a game of clue

"in the kitchen with the pistol
it's professor brown"
i'll apprehend yo ass
before you shoot me down

from: delicti fuscus
to: claude le monde
subject: how to get your boo fired from her job

im a gynecological breakfast
you bring the syrup
ill papsmear your mind
now get in the stirrups

aint playin you at all
i fo shizzy aint playin you
cause you are truly a doll
as in goo goo

from: claude le monde
to: delicti fuscus
subject: i can't ever get fired cos i know crap about my bosses. that's why i'm drunk

ive been in stirrups before
ive ridden in the past
so dont be surprised
when you feel spurs in yo ass

you hungry for breakfast?
i got what you want
i got an ass thats fluffy
like a fine croissant

i gots to doubt
cos im the cynics choice
still i got the swerve
to make your panties moist