9:07 am | 11 October 2004 | plumbago

Usually if i'm doing one of those cornucopic entries with a m�lange of disparate topics (tossed with a light caperberry vinaigrette, for you, Tuckova) then i slap 'em all in a text file and post at the end of the day. but not today. I'ma just slap it up here as i think of it. Why? Who cares?

Requiescat in Pace
"Justice and love are not deconstructable."
-Jacques Derrida, 1930-2004

Three only
Yet another crap animation, this one serving as banner/header for your irrefutably awesome essay journal Loupe. Maybe three of you could get off your asses and write something, I say.

Real adult
A couple of you have panicked (or felt mild chagrin or whatever) after my stupidly offhand "leaving Diaryland" comment of last week. I am jumping ship, but only 'cause it's time I got a real adult website* and everything. Diaryland is the shit and I'll be leaving this blog up forever (since a good 75% of my entries are only useful chronologically--that is to say, if you are actually caring about my life--and are totally pointless or poorly-written if read alone, etc., etc. And I'll still send updates to 12% Beer so you won't miss out or whatever.

Two piss-holes in the snow**
I am having a rough Age 26 thus far and you can't fake these undereye bags, people, even with your little MAC Plumbago lipliners or whatever. I look like the bastard child of Gollum and Uncle Fester. I am a vain asshole so I'm not going to take any new horrid pictures of my roadkill jam-donut visage, instead using this piece of majesty from the Fourth of July for illustrative purposes AS SO:

+ =

Shortened answers to MSN article teasers
Well my darlings, you've seen the stupid bait-lines for vapid MSN "content" presented on your Hotmail login page, or equivalent: And here are today's, but instead of your having to troll through all three pointless, useless, worthless articles, I have given you my own concise answers.
Q. How to sculpt your torso?
A. Ensure that your torso is in fact made of marble or another malleable or plastic substance (plaster? Sculpey?). Then assemble a variety of tools and carve, carve away. If you want to get further into your torso-sculpture, you can coat your newly-sculpted torso with tempera paints and press gently but firmly upon gaily-coloured construction paper to make collectible, limited-edition prints for holiday gifts.
Q. How does 'Freshman 15' happen?
A. Beer.
Q. Can older man, younger woman last?
A. Only as long as he does. Check on the back of his neck (in some models it's embossed in the crimp) for a six-digit code. The first two numbers reflect the 20th-century year in which he was born. The second set reflects the likelihood that he will be purchasing a Camaro within the next +/- 5 years. The third reprents the year in which he believes himself to be living (for instance, my father's neck reads "470259." My dad is old-skool). You can use this code in considering your compatability with him. And don't forget: The older the guy, the shorter the shelf life, Anna Nicole.

*This means Grow up and get a website of your own not A website where I show my booty. Although, your guess is as good as mine on that front.
**My mother, always a mistress of delicacy as well as underwhelmingly supportive of My Image Issues, has referred to my eyeballs using this tender nominative on more than one occasion.