11:06 am | 03 January 2005 | my vacation in numbers

24: number of hours flight delayed; did not reach family home until 11pm on Christmas day;

6: pounds gained during holidays, due entirely to midwestern cooking (aka "subdue it with cream of mushroom soup, silence it with cheese");

0: fights with mother;

12: fights not had, due entirely to presence of sister's english boyfriend and mother's need to impress such with good manners;

1: lionel richie songs performed by sister and brother, to said englishman, onstage in grand rapids;

7: average temperature of michigan, fahrenheit, during visit;

13: cigarettes smoked while home;

2: reasons this is okay (1: home=stressful environment where "smoking" is good alternative to "killing everyone"; 2: now can make "no smoking" new year's resolution);

28: days have not smoked in total, excepting visit to GR;

2%: craving for smokes;

87: pairs of underwear owned, prior to tonight's Annual Spending of Random Victoria's Secret Gift Card;

1: big naughty present bought for self post-Christmas;

2: types of candy received in stocking that i HATE;

7: number of years i have hated said candy (seafoam, caramels) that i have received it anyway;

60: present temperature of office, fahrenheit, making the typing of this list difficult;

2: number of glock references, december 29;

15: number of rounds now legal to hold in clip for glock 17 or 19, now that assault-weapons ban has been lifted*, as opposed to the usual 10;

5: number of nautical-themed gifts from super #1 magic M.;

16: inches of rain in Long Beach within the last week;

1: friends presumed dead by tsunami; $16 billion: amount of relief money Bush gave to FL after the hurricanes this year;

70: estimated FL deaths from hurricanes in 2004;

$350 million: amount of money sent for tsunami relief efforts;

155,000: estimated deaths from tsunami;

any: amount you should please give for relief, if you can at all.

back in the saddle, i remain yours. clm

. . . . . .

* please note that i'm not, like, stoked about this fact; it was given to me at the firing range back home by the otherwise-pleasant attendant, who was please as punch about that law's expiry, and who also advised me how best to stop an assailant when using a glock 17 9mm as opposed to a ruger .22 ("a nice woman's gun"). conclusion: wtf.