10:15 am | 27 January 2003 | cel-e-brate good times, c'mon!

It has been brought to my attention that "if [I] like something that's high praise" (thanks LWH). Apparently, i've been transmitting only the shadow-side of my sunny, bubbly personality, which is usually exploding with pink hearts, orange stars, yellow moons, green clovers, blue diamonds, purple horseshoes, red balloons, holiday snowmen, and marshmallow shoehorns on a daily basis. How could this possibly be?

I like lots of things, of course, and i like them so intensely usually that i can be lost for an hour in contemplation of, say, a plastic horsie or what have you. This cynical, bitter carapace conceals a highly sentimental Irish nature, which circumstances are working hard to kill off before i reach a venerable twenty-five. In an attempt to contravene this rapid downward shuffle, I am presenting here, for your edification, a listing of things i geniunely like, which is by no means all-inclusive:

Guinness (the dog)

Guinness (the stout)

Percy (the hedgehog)

The Wizard's Bungalow

Universal Donor

Poundy

Autumn, winter, and select bits of spring (thunderstorms) and summer (night)

the Midwest

Most genres/forms of music, esp. if sad

Baths

Toast

Birds of all sorts, and things with an avian motif

Gothic or death-themed things, like coffin catalogues and funeral wreaths and fake crows, because they're funny

Monograms

Marmalade

Coffee (black only)

Citrus fruits in general

Books, all sorts, and especially the smell of old books

Crossbows & Catapults

Wandering (d�tourning also)

Driving long distances alone and fast

Conviction

Climbing trees and rocks

Boldness

Thinking about arcane shit, like Can i apply Nietzsche's Apollinian/Dionysian model to the lives and deaths of Tim and Jeff Buckley? for which i have been called pretentious, but if that's truly what i am thinking about, there is no pretense, so whatever

Accuracy

Chalkboards (i like to think of the memory of chalkboards) and also the particular shade of green usually limited to chalkboards

This joke: "So a pirate walks into a bar. The bartender notices that the pirate has a steering wheel attached to his crotch. The bartender asks the pirate, 'Why is there a steering wheel on your crotch?' The pirate replies, 'Arr...it's driving me nuts.'"

Lime perrier

Jameson

Getting better

Matches (not lighters)

Galoshes

Soft-spoken people

Funny old phrases, like "That's rich!" and "gams"

Donkeys

Elizabeth Taylor

Bats

Poets: e.e. cummings, Rainer Maria Rilke, Anne Carson, Jorie Graham, Michael Ondaatje, Timothy Novak, Eitan Kadosh, Buddy Wakefield, R.A.C., Sylvia Plath, Yevgeny Yevtusheko, Lucie Brock-Broido

Artists: Tristan Tzara, Sophie Taueber-Arp, Hans Arp, Marcel Duchamp, Francis Picabia, Louis-Ernest Barrias, Sean Landers, some Damien Hirst, Sam Brown, Anton Corbijn, Damon Bishop, Peter Sempel, and critic Matthew Collings

Friends

Those who are not yet my friends

Those who are not friends with anyone (they are a challenge...what is there to like about them? I will find out)

The fact that my family swears a lot, in a non-trashy, hilarious manner

Formal diction

Casual diction

(Parentheses)*

This lyric from a new Nick Cave b-side: "O sentimental night/Throw me in your sights/Shoot me down"

Being good at things right away, or learning them if i suck

Having weird, inexplicable crushes on Steve Buscemi and Gene Wilder

French

Old people and children

Finding the perfect description, phrase, or word for something

Copyediting

Spicy things

Foreign or regional accents and/or colloquialisms, like how people from St. Louis use "Fucking A!" as an affirmative, or how people from Los Angeles refer to highways with "the": "I'm taking the 405 to Long Beach, bro."

"Dude"

Forgiving

Legwarmers

Kisses

Difficult coifs

Elvis Presley

you

clm.

* also footnotes

p.s. This is FUCKED UP. This is something i don't like.