12:45 pm | 25 September 2003 | mon anniversaire

It is my birthday. My sister and i volleyed insulting voicemail messages this morning. Then my mom called. I would like to share the conversation we had, because it is, on several points, extremely representative of EVERY CONVERSATION WE HAVE EVER HAD, EVER.

Mom: (sounding really, really perky/chipper/annoying) Happy birthday, sweeeeetie!
Me: (groggily/with morning throat action) MMmmrgph.
Mom: (sounding shocked) Are you still in BED?
Me: Mother. I live in the Central time zone. It's not even seven o'clock. Hargle.
Mom: (still huffy) Well, don't you have to be at work by nine?!
Me: Well, yes, theoretically, but it's only ten minutes from my house. And, as I may have mentioned before, THAT IS TWO HOURS FROM NOW.
Mom: Well, fuckin' get up anyway, you lazy-ass!

Ah. Can anything else compare to the sweet teat of motherly love? NO.

I got a tiara from my other boss and as soon as i finish removing the frosting from it (don't ask) i will be wearing it.

There will be more later, i promise you. I need to weigh in on the pointy-shoe issue. But i am eating cake right now, and it's impairing my ability to type.