2:27 am | 21 December 2003 | snacky cup, motherfuckers

Last week my friends Katherine and Tennessee Mary and i were at a Middle Eastern restaurant (Zaky? Suki? Suzuki?), cramming illegal amounts of tabbouleh into our faces and bitching, when the subject of secret foods came up. It is no surprise to the careful reader of Vodka Catatonic that yours truly may have some food issues, such as: I can't seem to stop eating it with abandon, and I am into a lot of weird foods, and I tend to hoard snacks and hide them, as though they were sweet booze and i were a Prohibition-era alcoholic, instead of a just a plain alcoholic. Anyhow, below is a rumination on one of my top secret foods, brought to you by Thumbwar Unomedia. Enjoy.

my secret food is called Snacky Cup. okay here is the tale.

when i went to michigan state (college #2) i was barely 19. we used to have a party every thursday that was called Tanky which was some shorthand for "hey let's get drunk early so as not to waste a single moment of the weekend" (not like we didn't drink, like, every day anyway). anyhow, once we were all really, really high and my friend angie looked around and went "hold on, you guys, i am gonna make us all treats." she went into the kitchen and banged around for what seemed like forever. we all sat in the living room, listening to jane's addiction and wondering what she was making. was she baking a cake? was she making omelettes or quesadillas? what would it be?

after what seemed like an eternity angie reappeared with a baking sheet. arranged on it were...Dixie cups. whaaa? she passed them out. in each one was a mixture of chocolate chips, marshmallows, and mixed nuts. that was it. there was nothing special or even cooked about it. we were all, "i thought you were cooking us something." she looked hurt, or as hurt as stoned people can, and said "i did make you something. I made Snacky Cup."

Snacky Cup, like trailmix, fulfills a basic requirement of secret food, and that is that it is not ever boring. just as soon as you get tired of the taste and/or texture of marshmallow, a chocolate chip comes along to interrupt, to shock the taste buds as peter gabriel shocks the monkey. like, Hooooly shit, chocolate! and ditto with the nuts. OH GOD BLESS YOU SWEET NUTS!!

Snacky Cup consumption has two requirements. first off it is imperative that you use a WHOLE bag of chocochips and a WHOLE bag of minimarshmallows and ROUGHLY THE SAME AMOUNT of mixed nuts. after mixing it in a bowl you can actually redistribute the mixture into the bags and eat directly from them. the second thing is that you can shove a whole FISTFUL into your mouth and feel really, really fulfilled trying to munch it all down. i realise this is all very gluttonous and nasty but GOD SAVE YOU, SNACKY CUP. end of story.

Also: Bad Santa review!

two thumbs way the goddamn fuck up, bitches!