3:51 pm | 18 May 2004 | "and then i was like, and then she was like..."
12:32pm Yermomsawookie: Breaker 1-9, breaker 1-9...YMAWlunchbreak lookin' for CLM, over.
stormyclaude: holla back atcha girl!
Yermomsawookie: What's your 20, over.
stormyclaude: Shenandoah. bored. over.
Yermomsawookie: how's your slack going?
stormyclaude: slack as the jaws of those who see me dance, over.
Yermomsawookie: just spit food onto computer screen. perhaps eating while chatting with the CLM not the best idea after all, over.
stormyclaude: good god. what're you eating? i'm hungry but trying to put it off so as to shorten work day. over.
Yermomsawookie: welfare atkins, over. Beans, rice, cheese, salsa, over.
stormyclaude: I LOVE that shizzo. repeat, LOVE IT. over.
Yermomsawookie: Amen, over.
stormyclaude: friend jon and i thinking about making website, "KillAtkins.com," where we eat only bread products and lose weight anyway. over.
Yermomsawookie: beautiful idea, over. Workplace of the NMM now selling seeds for vegetable gardens with "low-carb" on the labels. Die atkins die, over.
stormyclaude: fucking shit, dude. p.s., today i am going to post this convo on DL. too lazy to make new entry after redoing design. over.
Yermomsawookie: Roger that, over. Making with the funny ASAP, over. Mustn't disappoint the youngsters, over.
stormyclaude: Blue Leader, i sometimes think the regulars are people who are desperately seeking disappointment and only that. over.
Yermomsawookie: Disappointment seeking regulars should up their meds.
Get lives, grow spines, etc. Regulars who visit seeking brilliance, though, will be greatly rewarded, over.
stormyclaude: Yes, good. thanks for vote of confidence. Topic?
Yermomsawookie: hmmm... this thinking/chewing thing is harder than I expected. good thing I'm sitting down.
stormyclaude: i have to scrounge food now...think of something rad.
Yermomsawookie: Scrounge well. Bonus points for using chopsticks.
stormyclaude is away at 12:41:51 PM. stormyclaude: we did! we made waffles with peanut butter, cherries, honeycomb, and ruffles on them. it was GOOD. i added syrup but jon didn't have taste for adventure.
Yermomsawookie: You're making my teeth ache but it still sounds like fun.
stormyclaude: i like reverting. i'm all, when will Snorks be on? i wanna watch CARTOONS!
Yermomsawookie: Snorks...HOLY SHIT
stormyclaude: you don't want to see me manic. that's the kind of reference that scares people away. i pretended to be a jungle explorer. i was all, "Dr Livingstone, i presume?" with a jar of peanut butter held in tongs.
Yermomsawookie: and again I say: send in the clones! I like the re-design, btw. the owl is lovely.
stormyclaude: thanks! i got all crazy with it. what kind of themes are you into for your blog? i'm itchy.
Yermomsawookie: oh shit. RELEASE THE HOUNDS! Well, there's the obvious Star Wars-y stuff...
stormyclaude: mm, mm-hm
Yermomsawookie: but I'm not really a fan. don't want all the little star wars folks to be disappointed...
stormyclaude: right. well, i thought of something kinda funny for that, but maybe not...i'll hammer away.
Yermomsawookie: because they're expecting essays about Toth and instead they're reading essays about sporks and boobies
stormyclaude: HA. i should think they'd be just as interested in the both
stormyclaude: although much more familiar with the former than the latter
stormyclaude: 12-sided dice rollin' basement dwellers!!!
Yermomsawookie: TAKE OFF THE TRENCHCOAT, GUNTHER, you're 34.
Yermomsawookie: what was the kinda funny thing that you thought of for the star warsy?
stormyclaude: i will do a quick mockup and post it. gimme a mo
Yermomsawookie: got it (amazed silence...)
stormyclaude: goddamn you, CompuTational MacInterWeb, for your sloth!!
Yermomsawookie: bad, bad interweb! Go to your room! I would like to point out, for the record, that I am now under the influence of the dread caffeine. be afraid, be very, very aftraid. not drinking caffeine is a bit like, well, not drinking. LIGHTWEIGHT! bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Yermomsawookie: this is my commitment to our conversation. thus? Aw fuck.
anyhoo... the office building janitor comes and cleans the bathroom every day at mid-day, which has begun to create a bit of a problem. he's a really nice man and all that
but I think he drinks Hai Karate in his coffee every morning ... uses it to brush his teeth ... bathes in it ... washes his clothes in it, etc. There's a visible cloud of "helloooooo ladies" in the room for a good hour after he leaves, which is somewhat preferable to the usual funk one might expect in the shitter, except for the burning of the eyes and sore nasal passages thing. what is it about the cologne, Claude?
stormyclaude: UD asks that question. OFTEN. Yermomsawookie: I stopped parking my car in one of the garages downtown because I was tired of smelling the valet dudes on the seatbelt for a week after they parked my car. but the best? we were standing in front of the house, chatting with our new neighbors this weekend when the distant thunder of approaching homies became audible in the distance:*THUMP thump THUMP-THUMPA. THUMP thump THUMP-THUMPA*
stormyclaude: ah!! yes! bonizzanza, ninja!
Yermomsawookie: Twenty minutes later, up rolls the whip.: Cutlass Ciera, 86 or 87, rollin' on 22's. Mad pimpin' four-door Oldsmobile action, fo' sheezy. And not your average 22's, btw, but the fancy "rim-within-a-rim" 22s that keep spinning after you stop ... tires, like, 2 mm wide...
stormyclaude: ahhhh!! HAAAAA!
Yermomsawookie: *THUMP thump THUMP-THUMPA* they roll past, into the parking lot for the condos down the street (AKA the Kragen Suites), and the wave of cologne that passed by in their wake ... dude, I shit you not, hung around for a good five minutes.
if I can smell your cologne for FIVE MINUTES after you roll by AT 25 MILES AN HOUR, you need help. help. serious fucking help. *THUMP thump THUMP-THUMPA* (scene.) Oh! And the best part? Dude gets out of the Cutlass after they park and he looks all of, maybe, 11 years old. for serious. Now, I realize that I'm approaching the black-socks-with-sandals age, and that all the young people look particularly young the older I get, but damn if he didn't have to sit on two phone books and his little sister to drive the car. Maybe he was working the pedals while the other guy steered? Fifth graders, for reals.
stormyclaude: doesn't "steered" look wrong? like it should be "straught" or something. i am dying, btw.
Yermomsawookie: "piloted"? "steered" def. looks wrong. glad you're dying ... caffeine has yet again made me her bitch.
stormyclaude: her whip cracks sound like sodas opening!!!
Yermomsawookie: sweet, sweet soda
stormyclaude: sweet, sweet GERRY RAFFERTY's BAKER STREET!!!
Yermomsawookie: not to pick on the caffeine or anything, but I could do without the nausea, the spinning, the tunnel vision. Oh? and the cramping? Just lovely, thanks.
stormyclaude: wow. it HAS been a while for you.
Yermomsawookie: yep yep yep. generally stay far far away from the stuff ... again, Mr. Liver isn't as pink and pudgy as he used to be. but I'm plenty tired today, so it's justified.
stormyclaude: in my mind it's ALWAYS justified. it's a human need, the altered state. we recognize that we HAVE a state and want to go ELSEWHERE. it's like growing up in Ohio.
Yermomsawookie: Maine? Florida is nice
stormyclaude: NOOO! florida is america's armpit. i have it on good authority.
Yermomsawookie: Yep. I think it was Dave Barry who said (here comes the pain), you can't spell "Florida" without the "DUH." I've always liked that quote. You still makin' with the mad mockup-in, yo?
stormyclaude: you know it. it's so bootleg. forgive. almost done.
Yermomsawookie: ah...the sound of genius! ain't nothin' wrong with the bootleg. I'll just keep yammering at you until I burn through my buzz. then? Sleeeeeeeep
stormyclaude: i love it. pray continue.
Yermomsawookie: toss me a topic, boss. Let's see what happens. (besides me not getting any work done...that's just a given). What's that? Find my own topic? Why, since you asked... I meant, fuck it anyway where was I? Besides visibly shaking, that is. heh. hello?
2:18PM stormyclaude: dude! my power just went totally out ! ! !
Yermomsawookie: You still there?
stormyclaude: yes. and what sucks is i didn't save that mockup
stormyclaude: and i can't bring myself to redo it. but basically it's [A SUPER TOP-SECRET BLITZKRIEG OF AWESOME HILARITY THAT YOU WILL HAVE TO WAIT TO SEE]. it's so gay, and yet so amusing. briefly. um.
Yermomsawookie: sorry... I had to get the phone. DUDE! that sounds hilarious!
stormyclaude: it was kind of cute.
Yermomsawookie: sorry that it evaporated, that sucks. BUT YOU ARE SO MY WEB DESIGNER!
stormyclaude: wheee! [starts complaining about random real-life thing]. and that is the lamest thing i have typed lately. forgive.
Yermomsawookie: forgiven. not lame at all. those boots are made for walkin', Nancy. and that's all I have to say about that ... can't ... get ... song ... out ... of ... head ... now
stormyclaude: i get that way with "Ruby, Don't Take Your Love to Town," which should be my next Prospector karaoke hit. and [continues bitching pettily about random, idiotic current personal affairs] god, aren't you glad for this glimpse into the retarded/arcane/circular workings of the mid-twenties female mind?
stormyclaude: so,uh, what's up with you?
Yermomsawookie: oh no you don't ... nice try though
stormyclaude: [finishes bitching] ... andi'm all "is there a nail in your foot? because you're LAME." god, the folly of my ways.
Yermomsawookie: It's not about you, dude. What's done is done.
stormyclaude: you're right. i'm not even all that upset. just baffled and cranky. so, affairs as usual!!
stormyclaude: unrelatedly, the IM with my sister yielded both my future band's name ("ladystache") and our first album title ("the electric fence that's fun to chew!").
Yermomsawookie: I'll get to work on the "Ladystache" tour t-shirt. Now...where'd I put the umlauts?
stormyclaude: Lyadystache. nice. although i was just trumped with the news that my friend's band is gonna be called Bloodbath and Beyond. now email me the IM from before.
Yermomsawookie: got it?
stormyclaude: yes! PURE COMEDY.
stormyclaude: people everywhere will be crapping.
Yermomsawookie: oh...the pain...took you literally for a minute...thought of implications...GOLDEN. just promise me I won't look fat, okay?
or all bloated
stormyclaude: heh. no. i mean, no you won't. yes i promise. am posting right now.
Yermomsawookie: go speed racer go