12:23 pm | 13 February 2003 | color me badly

Man. So I'm simultaneously bored at work and narcissistic, and I check out this thing called the Color Quiz (though i don't traditionally place much value on this sort of thing), and it's frighteningly accurate and really creeping me out. For example (italics my own):

Existing Situation: Seeks to share a bond of understanding intimacy in an �sthetic atmosphere [heh, i'll say] of peace and tenderness.

Your Stress Sources:The existing situation is disagreeable. Feels lonely and uncertain as she has an unsatisfied need to ally herself with others whose standards are as high as her own, and wants to stand out from the rank and file. This sense of isolation magnifies the need into a compelling urge, all the more upsetting to her self-sufficiency because of the restraint she normally imposes on herself. Since she wants to demonstrate the unique quality of her own character, she tries to suppress this need for others and affects an attitude of unconcerned self-reliance to conceal her fear of inadequacy, treating those who criticize her behavior with contempt. However, beneath this assumption of indifference she really longs for the approval and esteem of others.

Your Restrained Characteristics: Feels she is receiving less than her share, but that she will have to conform and make the best of her situation. Feels trapped in a distressing or uncomfortable situation and seeking some way of gaining relief.

Your Desired Objective: Considers the existing circumstances disagreeable and over-demanding. Refuses to allow anything to influence her point of view [except food].

Your Actual Problem: Disappointment and the fear that there is no point in formulating fresh goals have led to anxiety, emptiness, and an unadmitted self-contempt [no, i admit it]. Her refusal to admit this leads to her adopting a headstrong and defiant attitude [wait, me? defiant? noooo.].

Your Actual Problem #2: The need for esteem--for the chance to play some outstanding part and make a name for herself--has become imperative. She reacts by insisting on being the center of attention, and refuses to play an impersonal or minor role.

Wow! By simply clicking on, like, a fuchsia box, the test was able to tell me my actual problems! This is astounding! For 24 years I have been wandering alone in a barren wasteland of "what the hell is wrong with me" and now the simple magic of ASCII has healed me! Praise Jeeeyaysus*! (I am actually only being partially sarcastic here.)

Hey, you guys take it too, and then let me know how you came out. clm.

Sidenote! You can stream old episodes of Nic Harcourt's extremely bitching radio shows, Morning Becomes Eclectic and Sounds Eclectic, off KCRW's website--check out Sounds Eclectic epis. 27, with Manu Chau and Nick Cave. Wow, my life just got, like, 1% better. clm.