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9:33 am | 12 August 2004 | SOME AWESOMENESS RIGHT OVER HERE

So I didn't write this, but i find it motivating and so i'ma copy it over here for reference. Man it's got a lot of cussing. Awesome!

Boys are getting more fucking messed up and broken every year. Especially boys in their twenties. What the fuck is wrong with you? You need to stop being afraid of every fucking thing just because of a couple fucking bruises you acquired from your first or current unrequited love or whatever the fuck you're on about. Fear of commitment, fear of abandonment, fear of what the fuck ever. Why are you letting that shit fucking run your life? Why don't you fucking loosen up, stop playing the victim, stop laying down on the train tracks ... Why don't you stop wrecking everything compulsively? Why don't you have a little fucking foresight? Can you suck it up a little and stop bringing everyone else down with your self-perpetuated fear and consequent inability to perform at any level?

BECAUSE YOU ARE MISSING OUT ON SOME AWESOMENESS RIGHT OVER HERE.

Because it occured to me that this year I gave SIX nice boys a piece of my heart and watched them all pass through my fingers as a result of their rampant manifold insecurities and anxieties and preoccupations. I don't claim I didn't then feed off of that shit myself but I'm pretty confident that I didn't bring that shit to the table; I do my best to check that shit at the door and take a leap of faith every fucking time. And I'm sick of fickle fucks who can't figure out what they want until they've mired themselves in the muck and self-induce the fight-or-flight reaction. You all need to suck it up and grow up and try to work with what you've been through instead of letting it fucking run you into the ground. You're wasting your time and other people's time.

I don't care if this is fair and balanced asssessment right now. I don't care that I'm gender-essentializing to hell and that that works against me as much as for me. I spent all year venturing cautious analyses of what went wrong in each instance but right now I really don't fucking care and I'm really not buying that it's about me. What is so fucking life-risking about a little entanglement with another person? Why is the fucking end of the world every time? What are you waiting for? Why are you blinding yourself to everything around you but your object of obsession? These fleeting entanglements are all you have in this life in this generation especially and it's the most affirming fucking thing you're going to stumble across but it's all also fucking dust in the wind. So you should really shit or get off the pot and skip the pretenses instead of holding all your cards to your chest in a regressive childlike manner. So for now you're all fucking tools, okay, and you owe me bigtime.


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